You can always get it right next time

It's amazing. I get a job, and poof, there goes all my free time. Like 2:00pm. Or 4:52pm. Times like that.

On the other hand, I traded all those hours for the return of my sanity, so I think it's fair.

For a variety of reasons that have nothing to do with any of you, I can't go into too much detail about the new job, but what I can tell you, is that the position is exactly what I was looking for and is a great project. While I definitely don't believe that my misery level was conversely related to the kind of job I was going to land, but I also didn't have any choice. I had to be patient and wait it out for the right one to come along. For the next few weeks, it has, and I'm not going to take it for granted. I haven't started with the coming in early and leaving late business, but I also haven't downloaded Instant Messenger or bookmarked any other sites than the ones I need for work.

It's interesting, actually, how this job has played out so far. It's in the same industry, but at a higher level, doing some of things I used to do, but more, with loads of responsibility and much higher stakes. It's funny though; I don't know if I've changed much over the year, or just know what's on the line, but tasks that used to be difficult, things given to me as a test, are now What I Do. They aren't as difficult or scary as they once seemed. I still talk way too fast on the phone and still make notes ahead of time for said-conversations, but the old fears of Can I do this? Holy crap, I can't do this!, When will I screw this up? How long until they realize I'm a fraud?, while still there, are much, much less pressing. I'll spend the day checking things off the list, and it won't be until I'm at Starbucks or waiting in front of the printer that my psyche is all wait, weren't we supposed to be nervous back there? Aren't we supposed to assume we were wrong? It's a nice feeling, but I don't want to get used to it just yet.

I didn't lose my job last summer because I was bad at it, and while I gave it my best effort 97% of the time, I was definitely comfortable, and that made having the rug pulled out from under me much, much worse. I don't regret letting that job become part of me, but this time around, I'm keeping a look out for The Next Big Thing for what comes next. I'd like it to be where I am, but I don't want to be caught out there again like last time.