The Amazing Race

For all of you that know me and what happens when I go to the airport:

Our flight from Newark to Phoenix was relatively uneventful. 30 minutes in, the man behind me starting yelling for the air marshals because the women behind him kicked his seat. Twice. Threats of lawsuits went back and forth, with him demanding we land and get the cops involved. Needless to say, we had better things to do than sit in Pittsburgh over a playground argument and we made it to Phoenix, with him complaining the whole way.

Here's where it gets interesting: we landed at 7:15 in Terminal C, with 64 minutes to catch our connection to Ontario (CA) in Terminal...4 (I don't know either) With no signs to guide us, we tracked down a security guard who pointed us in the direction of a shuttle bus. We got on the bus at 7:30 and after a 10 minute ride, arrived at Terminal 4. After a series of wrong turns and some elevator rides, we found ourselves at the back of a 20+ person line for security, with 14 minutes to make our flight.

(As an aside, this bitchy woman in front of me tried to one-up me in her knowledge of NJ. She was from Philly, so I think you all know how that ended.)

J and I took turns taking off our shoes, getting out our laptops, etc, so we'd be ready when we got to the scanner. As we got closer, we could see the TSA agents taking their fine, sweetass time checking tickets, looking at IDs, asking about flights. When we finally got to the front, the agent insisted on flipping through my passport, looking at both sides of J's license, examining our old tickets from Newark, all the while commenting on how soon our flight was and how far the gate was from security.

We finally got through and me with a huge backpack and J with 2 bags, start running through the terminal. OF COURSE the moving walkways were broken, and we were gate 28, all the way at the end. The terminal was nothing but kids, old people, nuns, dogs, and I think at one point, we had to stop and let a family of ducks go by at gate 15.

We arrived at the gate at 7:59. We boarded...and were promptly delayed 30 minutes for equipment problems. We finally took off at 9pm.

This is all a roundabout way of saying we're now safely in California.